Day after day is not going to be the highlights of your Instagram roll. I regularly remind myself of this and when I have a low energy day, a “bad” day, a “lazy” day – I let go the lack of productivity or goals I had for that day. (BTW: I don’t believe in laziness – I believe people rest when they are tired, and some need more rest than others! I’ve been appreciating seeing these sentiments on social media more often).
In my second blog post, I shared what I wish I had more energy for. I think many of my wishes are normal, common wishes parents (and I would hazard a guess that more so moms) have. I wanted to review the wishes and go over how some of them are unrealistic, what seems to be outside pressure, and help myself to remember what I am doing and enjoying. So here goes…
I wish I had more energy…
…to go on a walk on this beautiful fall day. When will I get a day like this again? I don’t want it to go to waste, do I? Okay if you look at the original post, I include a photo from a day where we went on a lovely walk and enjoyed a beautiful day! We went for many lovely walks around our neighbourhood throughout the fall. I used to hike occasionally before having my daughter, and wish I could have gotten out to hike with her this past fall. We didn’t get out to any provincial parks like I’d hoped, but we very much enjoyed our neighbourhood and a couple other parks in the city. I simply couldn’t figure out the hiking thing with my daughter yet. We will try again in the spring.
…to talk to my 10-month-old today. What if her language and speech is delayed because I don’t talk to her enough? Will she be able to communicate in age-appropriate ways as time goes on? Considering my spouse and I are the people who spend the most time with our daughter (and much of the time, it’s just her and I), I worry she is not hearing enough conversation. Sometimes I don’t narrate our actions enough, I don’t point to objects and name them enough. I have to remember now though that in recent months, we’ve been able to visit people, and have people visit us. As well, in the first few months of my daughter’s life, everything was virtual. I don’t think I appreciate that we’re getting out for activities we’ve registered for, and go on the occasional walk with friends and babies here in Winnipeg. Things are definitely better than where we were at earlier this year. We can continue to set goals and make plans. All will be good.
…to work on my daughter’s baby book. What if I regret someday not writing things down? What if she’s upset with me later in life for not keeping track of her milestones? I do not have a baby book or growth chart for reference from when I was a baby. Am I sad about it? No. Does it affect anything else in my life? No. It’s so lovely that my mother-in-law kept track of and wrote down many things for my spouse. As much as I have loved scrapbooking in the past, and like to do arts & crafts from time to time, I simply have not felt like I have the energy for keeping up a baby book. I also don’t appreciate how this task seems to fall to the mom in a hetero relationship. I will give my spouse credit here – he’s done more than I have with it I’m pretty sure! We’ll add what we can here and there but I am accepting that it’s not really my thing. I think what I would like to do is write letters to my daughter. I want to write them when I feel the need to (maybe each birthday, maybe somewhat randomly as life happens). I love my daughter deeply, and I know I will be able to reflect on that in my own way, and show her in my own way someday.
…to write a lovely Instagram/Facebook post about Halloween. I try to document the highlights – will I regret not having a “Baby’s First Halloween” post? How do people have the perfect photos and captions for every occasion and holiday? Ugh, I HATE Facebook. I prefer Instagram. Either way, I feel pressure around holidays to post something about my daughter and the activities we end up doing. We take pictures for everything, of course. I just don’t always share them on social media. I swear it feels like some people (moms) have every occasion covered. I am happy for them if that’s something they are enjoying. I do like to post when I find the time and am motivated. But if I miss an event or two, I can let it go. Honestly, I find life happening too fast at times to even think about telling everyone what we did. I also sometimes feel pressure or obligation to share almost, which is weird. That’s not why I should be sharing! If you ask me, I think we could all spend less time on social media. So I know at the end of the day, we had fun and we took photos. I don’t have to post it if I don’t want to. No one will even notice.
…to text my friends back. What if they see my activity on my socials and feel neglected? What if they feel like I don’t care about them? I have to remind myself that everyone has their moments of forgetting to reply, or getting distracted, or being busy and unable to answer – so why do I feel bad? I’m human! Also, if any friend or family member was to ever actually be upset with me for not replying, that’s on them. I’m not ignoring anyone on purpose, and if they are assuming this of me, well that’s not fair. That’s not how I am. So if I miss getting back to someone or I’m delayed, they can always reach out again. Or I will get back to them eventually.
…to tidy up my home. Is the clutter making me feel worse and chaotic? Why do I leave piles of things everywhere all the time? I don’t like my clutter piles. They are something I’ve been working on for a long time. I’ve found it really helpful to follow KC Davis of Struggle Care on IG for tips and ways to manage. I also have at times employed minimalist strategies, particularly when it comes to paper (thank you Marie Kondo!) I’m forever trying to let go of things that no longer serve me or are no longer useful. All I can do is be kind to myself and forgive myself sometimes when things become messy.
…for my hobbies. Do I even still like my hobbies? When will I have time for them again? Oh I’m getting there! Starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel when baby seems to be especially dependent on the parent who takes a leave (which is often mom I suppose). We also had the breastfeeding things going (still do). But I’d like to work towards more independence for her, and for me. We’ve had a great year doing it. We were fortunate to have that going for us. But anyway hobbies – I need to schedule myself a little better. I can set time for myself to do things that fulfil me and are fun. At times, I need to try a little harder to do what I love, and not so easily cave to Netflix.
…to shower. How many days has it been now – why can I not keep track? Why am I overwhelmed at this simple task? It’s probably not as bad as I think it is – I just forget haha! If If I don’t feel like showering some days, meh. I know hygiene can be a real struggle for some people, particularly when dealing with depression and/or other mental health problems. I am caring for myself and if I go an extra day without a shower, it will be fine.
Sometimes my thoughts feel like the scene below. I just need to try and leave them be, let go of the worries and allow myself to live in the moment. I can work on my planning, and set goals. But sometimes life is chaos and I need to accept that. We are doing just fine.
Christine Jones 