I’m jealous. I’m feeling very jealous of all of the moms I’ve connected with who are heading back to work. Meanwhile, I feel stuck at home.
I grew up with a mom who stayed at home. Stay-at-home mom, homemaker, housewife – whatever the term you use, she stayed at home to care for my younger brother and I, and to care for our home. I’ve only been at this staying at home thing for a year now with my child and it’s been an unusual time for us between being in a new city and in a pandemic. But I am certain I am not cut out for staying at home permanently. This isn’t a short-coming or anything, I realize. I admire moms and dads who do stay home and are so fulfilled from it. For me, I need something more personal, something outside of my home.
I’m in the situation that I don’t have a job to return to. As I’ve mentioned my partner and I moved partway across the country for him to begin an opportunity in Winnipeg July 2020, and I was not able to line up work ahead of our move. I continued to look once we got here, but I found it difficult.
Even though I knew at the time I had rights as a pregnant person to look for employment, that no one is allowed to ask if you are pregnant or planning to become pregnant (that is, as far as I know? If you know otherwise, please feel free to reach out to me!), I still stressed over potentially gaining employment. I stressed about having to notify my employer that I could only work a few months before needing to take a leave.
I came from work situations in the past where I could not (or felt I could not) express my needs. I once had a co-worker complain to me about a recent hire who did not disclose her pregnancy ahead of signing a 1-year contract. Once the hired person signed her contract, she shared that she was 4 months pregnant. My co-worker complained how inconvenient and selfish it was, even after explaining the new hire was a mom of 3 already, and was the parent in the family trying to find work to be able to provide for her family. I was shocked at the comments. Whatever the situation, it’s awful to speak about women/people in such a way. The job market can be tough sometimes, and people are doing their best to find something that suits and to be able to meet their needs. With such a poor assumption of that new hire, they made judgements about her before even getting to know her.
The experience has stuck with me. I know I can’t apply that same attitude and logic wherever I go, but it was disheartening to hear this (female) co-worker complaining like this. I thought about it a lot when I was job searching in 2020 while pregnant myself. Would people have that kind of reaction to me? It just stings a little more that a woman (who had children), was speaking of another woman this way. Of all people, you would think she would understand. It’s also such short-term thinking. The new hire could be an asset to the team long-term. You hired her for a reason in the first place!
Anyway, I realize I may also have some internalized patriarchy when I think about stay-at-home parents. I struggle to see how anyone could truly, fully enjoy being at home all hours of the day with their children, and/or caring for their home and household’s activities. I find it so unfair because so often it seems it is the mom in a hetero household that is saddled with these responsibilities (whether they have a full career or stay at home full-time). But I have to realize I don’t identify with it because it’s simply not something I want to do. Also, I’m in a privileged position that it’s a choice for our family. Of course we know with childcare costing so much these days, sometimes the only feasible way is for a parent to stay at home.
I think I also need to realize that house work and childcare has long been undervalued (or really, not valued at all). I don’t need to be throwing in that I don’t think it’s truly fulfilling. It should be recognized as an important part of our society, and it’s long time we show some appreciation for moms and dads who make this choice, or need to have a parent at home.
As for me, I look forward to searching for work opportunities soon. I am so glad I have the choice and can pursue it. I miss being out in the community and supporting important services and programs for vulnerable people. I’ll get back to it soon.
Christine Jones 